hello hello. i know i haven't written in a while. so let me give you an update :)

well i finally am all moved into my new room ! with my awesome roommates flo and miriam.

flo, miriam, and olivia. sounds like names straight off of a sitcom. ha

well things are great in my new room. i couldn't be happier with my current living arrangements considering the ones that were available.

i'm start to eat really healthy. i enjoyed pistachio nuts and water along with my vitamins for breakfast, a nice cobb salad for lunch, and stuffed shells with a piece of fish and peas for dinner.

the gym, i haven't gotten there today, but i was busy moving. up and down the stairs. ha. i did crunches too. but tomorrow, i'll go hardcore.

boys, hate them. mark hasn't talked to me since last night. and i started the conversation. ick. but the night before that i told him i was upset because thoughts of my brother and my father filled me head. he said if i needed anything to call him. i thought that was sweet. but then he didn't bother to check in on me or anything... which i would have liked. but hey, it's a start.

al, the kid from like elementary school was in the hospital two nights ago for a shoulder injury playing football. he isn't feeling well, but i can't wait to see him this weekend.

this weekend i can't wait for.

autumn, is my absolute favorite. i love the weather, i love the smell, i love the color. i love the feeling that you get from all of things combined. its a warm soothing feeling. it reminds me of my childhood playing in the park. all i want to do is sit outside with a cup of tea and a good book.

i miss new jersey.

i miss middletown

i miss leonardo

i miss atlantic city

i miss the excitement

and the familiarity home gives me

i fear the unknown.

i think people here are weird

i miss my music

i want to be in a real band

i miss my friends

i miss my cats

i miss my dad

i miss my car

i miss my bed

i miss my beach

and i miss my stores

i even miss working at mcdonalds

i want change

i want to be happy

i want a job

and i want someone to love

i want someone to cuddle with when i feel lonely at night

i want a kitchen

i want a car

i want my girls to watch sex and the city with

and talk about boys

i just want to feel at home

i miss my gym

i miss my walks to the rocks

i miss the comforts of what i've always known

i think what i'm really longing for is someone to comfort me. and it's starting to bother me, that i'm always getting let down. why must i always get this feeling?

i feel let down through this school. i feel like i'm not getting taught. just tested. and i'm not becoming a musician. i'm becoming a nothing.

i feel let down by my family, they don't get what i mean. they're not hear. they think it's my fault.

i feel let down by love. because i don't have someone to love

i feel let down by my friends, because they're all consumed in their efforts to make their love stronger.

i just feel, lost.

off to bed