so i can't even explain how excited i am for january first.
i'm going though a hard time in my life. but i can't wait to finally do something for myself.
i feel like, i have no real close friends that are around.
my mom, she keeps making me feel like shit because i got into a car accident in april that wasn't my fault.
i can't wait to go to my aunts house

my two best friends here
lacey and jess are drifting because all of sudden jess thinks that the three of us together is a problem, but when its just two its fine. so i think she's saying i'm a problem because i'm not around all of the time.

i just want it to be the new year
i've been eating everything since i'm home
but i'm sayin it's the last harrah..

idk

ahhh life.

wake up in the morning feelin like SAM A*****O <3

it hit me, i figured out exactly what i want out of the next few months

today, 12/11/09 i have decided to start my work out routine

today i have a date with fran

21 thrusters, 21 push ups

15 thrusters, 15 push ups

9 thrusters, 9 push ups

for time.

i'm amped.

my 100 days of paleo, accompanied by my best friend, begins january first. i know this will be a success. whenever i have someone to motivate me, even if it's only though a computer screen, i feel like i'm not alone. i can't wait to cleanse my system and rid my body of any toxins.

April 10th 2009 marks the end of my 100 days. My goal is to be at most a size 8 jean, look better, feel better, and know that i can continue to move towards my final goal which i have not decided what that ultimately is. I know it will concern my weight, which at my height five foot three inches, should be between 120-130lbs. right now i am 200lbs, and i couldn't be more disgusted.

i'm off for a good nights sleep. can't wait to wake up in the morning, and hit the gym. that's my first priority. then some breakfast! then chatting with my best friend <3>

my rewards are to get two tattoos
1.) treble bass clef heart on my left foot with some cool design that will fall into place later
2.) the words "nil desperandum" which means never despair on my right hip bone. its a saying i live by. and i'm not letting my self become desperate now, and i hope i never will

my ultimate reward, if i look the way i want to, and feel great about myself is to get my belly button pierced!! can't wait to be a hot mama on the beach in cali <3 ha




so i think i'm really getting down on myself lately is because christmas marks 2 years since my fathers death. its the hardest thing i've ever dealt with. not having him , not having my brother to be there for me, or share things with. my family lifes a mess and it gets me down

ugh :/

good night