stuck in a train station

there is no better time to blog, than sitting in crowded New York Pennsylvania Station, waiting two hours for a train.

what to do i've been thinking. cry? no can't cry. i'm a champion. i had a silly mix up with my tickets. it happens.
i love train stations. i wish i didn't have all of this stuff with me... but oh well. i'll just sit here...

can't wait to workout tonight. i really need it. and i'm going tanning. todays a huge stress day. but i'm not letting it get to me..

thank god for wifi. that's a blessing haha
so i have been thinking a lot today about my body.
i need more motivation. i am going to print out words that inspire me and hang them on my wall
and print out pictures that inspire me and hang them up as well. i'm going to put something on my ID so when i eat, i am inspired to choose the right thing. idk, i just need that kindof thing because sometimes, stuff happens and i give up.

i don't even know what to blog about since i wrote only a few hours ago. i just want to be out of connecticut. i wish i didn't have to take the train back there. it sucks.

i can't wait to get into another school. i feel good about myself that way.

so anyway, i know what i'll tell you!

my friends all got in trouble last week for pictures of them drinking in our dorm on facebook. good thing i wasn't in those pictures... OH WAIT i was. but i didn't get in trouble. strange. only meg, jill, and brittany did. alex and i were there, but didn't get reported. WELL this has cause a huge dispute between my best friend jill, and my best friend meg. we're sorta a trio at school . and now meg and jill aren't speaking. i don't like choosing sides, but in this situation, i did. Jill is photographed drinking out of a bottle of captin morgan, meg has it in her pimp cup. HARD EVIDENCE. meg lied and said it was iced tea in the cup, leaving jill to get all of the blame. i am veryyyyyy mad at meg for that decision. it was her alcohol, jill's birthday, and she's lying because she doesn't have the money to pay the fine. understandable, but you're lying. you never leave a friend like that. its $250, not pocket change for the average college student. and she is also trying to become an orientation leader. they know its alcohol in your cup. alcohol is in the picture with you. its your alcohol. take the blame. be a friend. i understand where she is coming from but it would be different if she was in it by herself. i would neverrrrrrr leave a friend to take all of the blame, or lie.

anyway.

i'm going to do like all of my english homework for the rest of the semester because i brought my book and syllabus, and have nothing better to do. might as well be productive. the goal is straight A's, because for the first time in my life, it's all about me. i'm always coming FIRST.

<3

sundaay. last day in feb

i'm headed back to school today. can't wait to get to the gym tonight. i'm going hard this week. i went tanning yesterday, it helps me relieve my stress, and i realize how the only thing i want in life is to really feel comfortable in my own skin. and the main thing is my weight. so i'm super determined. i'm getting new sneakers this week. and some new workout clothes. i love working out and i always feel better when i do, so i'm doing. everyday. on rest days i'll walk more. i'm determined.

as for eating, i am going to make sure i eat a sufficient amount of protein everyday. i need to go food shopping at school too. veggiesss need to be in my fridge at all times. i don't eat much, but i need to start. breakfast, lunch, and dinner. and munch on some veggies once or twice a day. i also need to drink more tea. lots of it. :) because i love it and it relaxes me. which is something i really need.

i think i might go tanning at school too. after the gym. i need to focus on relieving my stress.
i'm not worried about my friends. too much drama with them. we'll hang out to do our homework, and on the weekends that's about it.
i'm not drinking for at least two weeks. because i don't need it.

i have three gym buddies now. jill, alex, and allie.
jill is really skinny and it will be easy for her to get back in to shape which makes me jealous, but at least ill feel more accomplished.

alex wants to strength train and what not with me

and allie almost never goes.

but, i'll go myself if they're not available.

and from today on, everyday, my workout will be posted.

my mom complains about being fat everyday, and thats just not what i wanna be. like my mom.

i'm just happy with my thoughts today.:) need to look good for the summmerrrr

another snow storm

sick of the snow. absolutely can not wait for the summer
but i only want summer if i am going to look good.
my biggest problem is my lower belly. i can't get it to go away
so far i am seeing results everywhere but there. but i am hoping that will change.
another problem i have is my huge calves. i mean they're all muscle, but i can't even where boots becasue they won't fit over them... that is a burden. because idk how to get them to become smaller. it seems exercise will only increase the size.

this weather always brings me down. and my mom, she isn't making me much happier. my jewlry box is still packed away since she moved into this hosue. numerous times i have gone upstairs to find my stuff in the attic and can't. and she tells me to go up there and look for it. i think she should find it. she's up there everyday. wtf she apparently knows where my stuff is.

i'm really worried i'm not going to get into a school. i really hope i do . monmouth preferably. i can't be ready for an audition in a month. lets just face it, i am out of practice from not having an ensemble to play in. my flute needs to be cleaned and have new pads, and i can't teach myself everything. that is why i am in school. i hope this works out. :( if not idk what to do...

i have no positive thoughts at the moment.

i just have to think positive.
i will look good this summer.
i will get into school.
and i'm going to have a good job, and make lots of moneys.

life is good. it's always good

:D

so i'm feeling good day.
looking better
feeling better. i like it :)

i pushed myself hard this week, an i'm so glad. can't wait for this weeks workouts. i recruited my friend meg to the gym everyday. she gained 75lbs after breaking her leg and not being able to exercise for a year and half. she used to rune veryday and work at the gym. i'm glad that shes working out again. :D

eatings getting hard! but i'm going to stay healthy. i can do it!

so i'm excited. i'm loving 2010 and feeling like a lot of new exciting things will be happening.
as for today, i am going to go see dear john and then going to go cry and cry, and be sad that i don't love anyone like that right now. and that valentines day is coming and i will be alone. my friend jill's boyfriend is visiting and they are the cutest couple i've ever been around. i am so jealous, because i want that for myself. but i'm so happy for her. everyones time comes, just have to wait for mine.

i'm stressed because i want to transfer. i compared the academic worksheet. and classes at monmouth seem to be more effective in teaching music. this school isn't going to cut it. i'm not playing enough. i'm not learning enough.i haven't heard back from the education department since tuesday. so they have me hanging by a string. that's it i'm out. now jsut waiting to hear from monmouth, and if it's a no, applying to other schools.

anyway.. spring break! in philly?! sounds good.

i can't wait for the summer. i already have a job lined up! and will be living with my aunt, and hopefully my mom is getting me a car. :D so happy.

summer i want to work hard. save for my own car insurance, and HAWAIII IN DECEMBER?! i also must take surfing lessons, and i decided, that's wehre i want to be a teacher.

end of story.

ugh i don't even know waht else to write.

<3