haven't written in too long

workouts. starting fresh
monday- 100 burpees for time - 10:57
tuesday- resting


my body- starting to look and feel better. bellybutton=pierced! so happy bikini here i come! can't wait for summer

tanning- my stress relief
playing the flute- i need to devote myself to perfecting 8 measures a day again. cause not playing at school SUCKS. so i will be doing that everyday. my other stress relief




life-well, things with my mom are not well. actually she just gave me my birth control. thank god. i'm not really into the whole having my period every two weeks thing due to stress, which i always have. unfortunately. i'm workin on it though. hmm me and my brother made up. and he told me things he's not supposed to tell anyone. and that's pretty cool. cuase that shows trust. which is awesome. and we bonded about my mom, schooll, even partying. and i loved it. i just need a hug from him. some sort of closure. i'm picking him up from the train tomorrow. he's going to the parade. wish i was! but whatever life goes on. that's another thing. my mom just called miss weren a shit! haha, cause we were talking about the parade. alright distractions. so another problem. i was supposed to go to the parade tomorrow with lacey and then they were going to her boyfriends sisters house in ny. so she decided to leave today... and wanted me to meet her. ohkay well i think its rude that i wasnt invited to your boyfriends sisters because i invite the both of you to stay with my family always. just rude and inconsiderate. her and jess are suppoesd to be my best friends. but i'm nothing when they're with their boyfriends. yes i'm glad they're happy. but i should never be forgotten. because i am always there for them. i don't expect to be like number one in anyones life, thats not my point, but i dont like being forgotten. jess has just been weird lately, not just because of her bf. but she still texts me and stuff and says she misses and lvoes me, and considers me. and invites me places. whatever. enough of them

cara, my other best friend is in the hospital. its no fun visiting her but i think she'll be fine. at least i hope so, cause i love her.

whatever, i have my real friends and i know who they are. <3 they're all always far away though

i really wish i was in philly right now..

oh well, moms controlling. that just means im escaping school for a weekend. come on a friday evening and leave monday, cause i can afford to miss monday classes :)


so i think i've given myself an image of being this heartless, hate filled person. but actually i'm filled with love, and lots of it. i want the best for everyone, well not everyone, just the people i know personally. i want love to fill my life. i want love from my family, my friends, and someone speacial. so far the only place i've really found it is in my friends. my family i'm confused about. my aunt always wants me to come, and my cousins too, and i'm definitely living there there this summer. but my mom said that my aunt was on the phone with her and she was like HELLO I WORK in reply to me going there this week. that confuses my brain aand hurts my heart. a lot. i'm sure it was out of anger, and she just meant that she couldn't come get me. but still, that wouldn't be how my mom told me it. ahh, idk.



so mitch
the boy
don't know what to think or do
he always says love you! or love you too
calls me love, sweets, or babe..
stares
listens
concerns..
i always worry about him

but a long distance relationship- no.

oh and i really think, that i just made it that we're friend based . because we used to joke about being soulmates and stuff. but then it really just turned into a joke. and now its not like that anymore.. but like, i kinda think its true. because this is how the joke started, we were getting lunch, and a cafeteria came up and was interrogating us and said that we were going to get married someday cause we were best friends and all of this stuff... and idk, it all started from there.. and like, i find myself worrying about him all of the time because he goes on crazy adventures. like the other day, while in connecticut, my friend alex, her bf henry, and me ventured to mitch. and he took us to some church and him and henry traveled down some alley, but me and alex ran away and waited for them haha.. and apparently they got to the top of an overpass that looks over I95. what a nut. idk, what to do waht to do. and like i feel like he cares about me too, but like he can talk about other girls, and i don't get jealous not one bit. and i guess thats just because i love him. and when you love someone you want them to be happy... like he can flirt with girls in front of me, even my friends, and i don't care. sometimes i can get mad cause its my friend. but i don't really mind... weird.
but i've always been like that. i just don't know. like even way back to joe ciappina, i broke up with him because i cared too much for him, and felt bad that he had to worry about me being upset because of my dad. dude, thats a boyfriends job.

don't feel like writing anymore

love you <3